Fat Man Rant

Christopher Rath


Why is it that grossly obese men insist upon using urinals?  Like all physical devices, the urinal is an invention that has constraints governing its use.  The member from which urine emerges must be held directly over the bowl of the urinal in order to ensure that the dirty fluid will fall into the urinal (and not spill to the ground).  Not conforming to this constraint will result in a puddle on the floor.

Men with distended stomachs seem to be blissfully unaware of the protrusion extending from their abdomen.  Either that, or they believe that the flesh containing their urinary tract has magically grown in proportion to their belly.  Such men approach the urinal with Babe Ruth batting confidence, and then proceed to urinate with great vigour; convinced that their pee is teleporting itself into the bowl of the urinal.  Somehow the liquid tinkling to the floor and splashing onto their shoes escapes their notice---leaving a mess for the next toilet patron to stand in.

Brainless voids such as these should be banned from the vicinity of the men's room; thus removing from them the temptation to enter the imaginary world where they are still physically capable of using a urinal.  These blobs of flesh are also incapable of cleaning up after themselves; and so, after having behaved like untrained puppies they flee the water closet leaving a wet floor for those that follow to wade through.

ęCopyright 2006, Christopher & Jean Rath
Telephone: 613-824-4584
Address: 1371 Major Rd., Ottawa, ON, Canada K1E 1H3
Last updated: 2015/02/14 @ 21:33:56 ( )